Sorry to disappoint you folks. This blog post isn’t about sex (at least, not in the way you think it is).

Nope. It’s not about waiting a certain amount of time before hoping into the sack. (Although that is a good topic. Another blog. Another time).

If sex is what you’re after, then we should stop this relationship right now. Turn away. Stop reading before feelings get involved. Some of you just logged off.  That’s okay. I’m alright (wipes tear). It’s best to know now.

                   H-e-l-l-o?  Is anybody out there….?

There you are. For all of the loyal lipstick warriors who kept reading, let’s get this party started! (Men, we have to find a better name for you. Something about this isn’t sitting right).  Any suggestions?  At any rate, Ladies and Gents, I submit to you one critical question: Are you giving it up too soon?  

The “it” that I am talking about is your DREAM?  

Let me clarify.  I am defining your dream as the highest vision you have of yourself and your life.  Where would you like to be?  What do you see yourself doing, and who are you doing it with?  What kind of relationships do you have? How much money are you making?  What impact do you have on your family and the world? Steve Jobs, anyone?

Your dream is the thing you want so badly, you can taste it!  It keeps you up at night. (Hey, keep it clean folks!). Your dream is the “you-ness” of you.

There is no person sent to this earth to do what you were sent here to do. Period.

Your dream could be that novel you’ve been putting off writing, the album that’s been waiting to be released, the degree you’ve been thinking of getting; or the film you’ve been dying to star in opposite Don Cheadle in the Bahamas directed by Quentin Tarantino, in 95 degree weather…..Oh, and whatever you had in mind too.

I digress. Pardon me. Where are my manners?

Since we are still dating….I mean, reading, I owe it to you to share exactly what’s on my mind.   Come closer, my darlings, I have sweet nothings to whisper in thy ear….Here’s the deal:  

THIS BLOG POST IS ABOUT PURSUING YOUR DREAM WHEN THERE IS NO EVIDENCE OF IT COMING TRUE.

As an actress in this crazy business called “Hollywood,” I sure have some wild stories to tell!  I can laugh at them now. But at times, it wasn’t pretty. Over the course of my career, there have been moments when  it seemed  like I would never get the chance to do what I love.  (Can anyone relate)?   *Shameless plug coming in 3,2,1….

(L-R) Vivica Fox, Caryn Ward Ross, Terri J. Vaughn, Persia White on the set of "Marriage Chronicles" coming out February 2012.

And to top it off, it seemed as if always needed other people’s permission to make my dream come true!  It was frustrating, to say the least. I wondered: Should I continue pursuing a career as an actress? Should I give the whole thing up?  Has this happened to you?  By your lack of a response, I’m going to guess not.  Fine. Be that way.

But just in case I am NOT the only one, we should keep going. Here are my…

Top Five Signs You May Be Giving  Up on Your Dream Too Soon (AKA The Dream-Killers) :                                                                                      

• You’re afraid.  Yes, I said it. You are afraid sh***less! You are giving up on your dream not because you want to, but because you think you have to. Basically, you prefer playing it safe than taking the risk necessary to live your life to the fullest. No judgment here at all.  But I owe it to you to be honest.

• You don’t have the money. Or the time, or the education, or the smarts, or the talent, or the…fill in the blank.  Let me ask you: If (blank) was not an issue, would you  go for  it? I’ll bet two more freckles that’s a ‘YES’!

• You’re listening to the wrong people. Someone told you (maybe a parent, a teacher, friends, society, an industry, the world) that you can’t do it, it’s impossible, it’s too hard, you will fail, it’s too big of a risk, you’re too old, too young, your pinky finger is too long…blah, blah, blah! You get my point.  More importantly, you believed them.  (Note: the “someone” could be you).

• You believe it’s possible, just not for YOU.  You support everyone else in making their dreams come true. But when it comes to your dream? Fuggeddaboudit. Your dream might as well be on the back of a milk carton because it’s nowhere to be found!  Was that insensitive? Sorry. Just trying to make a point.

• You are not happy.  You just have this nagging, persistent feeling that there is more to life than what you are doing.   There’s more you are here to do, to be, to say, to have, to give, to express, and to experience.   Sometimes, there’s just an empty feeling in the pit of your stomach, or a little something that says “You are meant to do something really great”.   I know you know what I am talking about 

Now that we know each other a little better, I can be honest with you.  Many of us treat our dreams much like we do our dating life.  Where am I going with this? Come closer…

One Night Stands, Flings, & A Dream—

Some of us have One Night Stands with our Dream. You have your eye on said Dream. It  looks good, tantalizing…like something you must have. You get together, its’ hot, it’s heavy, it’s FIRE!  Passion abounds. You have a torrid rumble in the sack, and wake up the next morning dazed and confused–not totally sure of your dreams name. (I am only going on what I’ve been told. Don’t judge me).  You do the walk of shame, and bolt for the door. You drop your Dream faster than Hermain Cain did his presidential bid.  Never to call or see each other again. Sound familiar?

For others, you treat your dream just like a Causal Fling. You’re half-way in, half-way out. Never fully committing to each other.  You and Dream rendezvous for a few weeks, months, (and in some cases a few years).  But things never really get off the ground. You start looking at other options that have caught your fancy. When things get too “hectic” you head for the hills. Hard work? Tenacity? What’s that?  You split. And just like that– POOF! You’re gone. Never to call, write, email, text, Facebook, twitter, Linkedin, or speak to each other again.

Guess what?  YOUR DREAM IS CALLING!  And it’s pregnant with so many possibilities!

2012 is upon us.  This is your year.  This is my year.  This is our time to really go for it. I mean really go for it with everything we’ve got!  Your best is yet to come.   Here are a few tools we should keep close at hand. Walk with me...

  I’m big advocate of practicing safe-sex.  I’m equally passionate about practicing safe-dreaming.

•     Set a clear intention of what you want to create and how you desire your life to be. Write it down.  Keep it protected.  Create small, achievable action steps that you can commit to doing consistently. Even if it means you dedicate just three hours a week to your Dream, while you work another job or take care of other obligations.

By all means, don’t abandon it.

•        Keep it in focus. Surround yourself with people who uplift and see the best in you. Don’t go dream-swaping with just anyone. You wouldn’t share your bed with just anyone. Take the same care with your Dream.
  

STAY COMMITTED TO THE  DREAM. 

In order to create the life you desire you MUST stay married to the Dream.  Be fully committed through the ups and the downs. All of them.  This is non-negotiable. I am talking about sticking with it–NO MATTER WHAT!  Even when there is no evidence (or signs) of your dream coming true.  Even when it seems like everyone else around you is getting theirs. Patience and persistence are critical at this point.  Hold an inner vision of your dream, even when others don’t. Correction: especially when others don’t.  

I believe true success is 90% your mindset, 10% work and %100 commitment.

Listen, I am by no means suggesting that I don’t have challenges and struggles (that would be dang-gone lie)!  Of course I do. We all do.  But, I can say I am very grateful I did not give up when those little dream-killers could have easily made that possible.  Which is why I wanted to share this information with you, in hopes that you too, can avoid their seductive trap.  In my mind, I have already made it.  My Dream is REAL. Regardless of anyone or anything outside of me.  I’ve got things to do, baby!   And you do too!  So, let’s keep our heads and hearts clear, determined, and focused so that we can accomplish what we set out to do in 2012.

Before I let you go my dearly Beloveds, may I ask one small favor?  Please remember to court your Dreams….spend some quality time. Cherish them.  Have a full on love-affair with your Dreams because I, and the rest of world need you too!

Loving you,

Caryn xoxxo

@CarynWard on twitter

Disclaimer: Typos and grammatical errors are intentional. They serve to remind us that there is beauty in life’s imperfections. That, or Caryn fell asleep way too often in Miss. Wilson’s English Lit class.

7AM:  The alarm goes off. Why is it screaming at me? I crawl out of bed. I drag my limp body in to the bathroom and hurl myself  into the onset of water pouring forth from this thing called a shower.  And that’s on a good day.

But this one particular morning, I have to admit, I am somewhat excited about getting out of bed. This is a huge for me. Anyone close to me knows that I absolutely loath waking up from a deep slumber.  I feel as if I am being ripped from my mother’s womb. Okay. That was a bit excessive. But you get my point.

What’s so different about this morning? I have an appointment with my Chinese Medicine Doctor.

Readers, meet Dr. Lee.

Today I am getting my first acupuncture session in a very long time.  My schedule has been so hectic that I haven’t seen Dr. Lee in almost two months.  Boy, do I love how I feel after each session. It’s as if every cell in my body is doing the “happy dance!” Frankly, I am over due for some dancing…

Shall we?

8AM: I walk into Dr Lee’s office.  The walls are painted a soothing mint green color. The place is cozy, tranquil, zen-like. I always feel so peaceful when I come here.  He hands me a cup of hot ginger spice tea. I take a sip. Ahhhhhhh……nice.

Acupuncture Chart- Courtesy of Dr. Henry Lee. http://www.henryjunwalee.com

After a brief conversation about my health and well-being, Dr. Lee informs me that my “Chi” may not be flowing properly to my gall bladder.

Huh? Come again?

For those who may not be familiar with traditional Chinese Medicine, Chi refers to the “ life force” energy that flows through all plants, animals and humans.  In plain English: It’s the energy that keeps you and me alive.

 Acupuncture is 2,000 year old practice that works with your nervous system to unblock stuck energy.  In more plain English: The natural energy-flow within your body gets opened up.

Dr. Lee goes on to explain that the gall bladder is the organ associated with indecision, or not being sure about the direction of your life.

“Whatcha talkin’ bout, Willis?”  I know where my life is headed, buddy!

Well…..I guess if I am honest, there are a few things that have been on my mind lately.

As this year comes to an end, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking . What do I want my life to reflect in 2012? I’ve been asking myself  the tough questions: What is trying to emerge through me?  How can I expand and move to the next level?  Spiritually? In my career? As a wife? As a citizen of this planet?

And more pressing questions like:  Should I get a Brazilian wax now? Or wait until after the first of the year?  Joking. Sort of…

Okay. I have a confession. My end-of-the-year review hasn’t exactly made me feel very…well, uh, sexy. Or sexual, for that matter.   Lately, I haven’t been in the mood for any nookie, if you know what I mean?  Sorry babe.

Ladies, if you aren’t ‘in the mood’ your emotions and hormones may be the culprit! I understand your pain. It’s hard to unleash your wild-side when you are feeling stressed, anxious, or tired, right? (Men, take notes).  There’s hope still. Let’s journey on….

8:17AM:  I lay on the table. (Yes, fully clothed in case anyone is wondering).  Anyway, Dr. Lee proceeds to place the needles on various points on my body—my hands, legs, feet, ears, and face. The needles are painless. Trust me, I could not do this otherwise. Meditation music is playing the background.   I breathe in. I breathe out. I breathe in. I breathe out…..

According to Dr. Hu at UCLA, acupuncture sends a signal to the body to turn on its own rescue system.

Well, folks, let’s get to rescuing!

“Being sexy and having great sex starts from inside the body and works its way out.”  *

If you experience PMS, infertility, headaches, irregular or painful menstrual cycles you may want to give acupuncture a shot.  So much of our mental and emotional “stuff” gets stored in our bodies.  Everything is energy. Men you’re not off the hook. This applies to you too (not the PMS part, of course).  More on your “stuff” in a bit. Stay tuned.

I believe when you feel good, it shows.  Feeling good brings about positive emotions, which then raises your overall energy level.   When your energy is high, your eyes sparkle, there’s a pep in your step, you ooze confidence. You become magnetic and attract more positive people and circumstances into your life.  That’s pretty darn sexy, huh?

My dearest men: Would you like to step it up in the bedroom? Well, before you grab that little “blue pill” you may might want to consider acupuncture.  Research shows that it can increase your sex drive too. For the record, NO needles will be inserted into your penis (I guarantee a few of you were wondering the same thing).  I get it. I am on your side. You are concerned and very protective of your man-parts. As you should be.  Let’s stay on track….

Following one particular acupuncture session for a sports-related back injury, I found my husband to be quite “frisky,” to say the least.  As time progressed, I started to notice the correlation between his acupuncture sessions and our sex life.  Not only was his back pain improving,  but he seemed to be even more relaxed in general.  Hmmm. I began to wonder. Is there a connection? He was the initial inspiration behind this post.  But before bringing it to you, my trusty readers, I wanted to test it out for myself.

How does it work?

Acupuncture may increase the blood flow to your sex organs and also boost your mood by pumping those “feel good” brain chemicals called endorphins. Like woman, men need to relieve stress.  Stress produces cortisol which lowers testosterone, which can lower your sperm count, which can—- do you see where this is going?  Hey, I wouldn’t be me if I didn’t give it to you straight. The best part is there are no real side effects.  Upside?  The sweet lady-love in your life just might reap the benefits. .

In case you are curious, below are a few other ailments that this ancient practice can help improve:

• Diminished Libido
• Vaginal Dryness
• Infertility
• Menopause
• Premature Ejaculation
• Low Sperm Count
• Impotence

(Don’t worry. If any of these apply, your secret is safe with me).

Alrighty good people, we are almost there….

9AM:  I finish my session. I feel grounded, centered, and balanced.  My body feels recharged and refreshed!  Thank you, Dr. Lee.  I’ve come to a new understanding of how “energy is the essence of sexy.”  Having great energy is vital to having great sex and feeling sexier. Let’s just say all of my cells are definitely dancing now….

Conclusion: So can acupuncture save your sex life?

Well, you’d have to ask my husband about that one (insert devilish grin).

Thanks for stopping by! Please take a moment to fill out the poll below. Oh, and would you mind sharing, re-tweeting, or subscribing to my blog when you are done?  Great-Sex Karma is granted to those who do all of the above. LOL

*Dr. Roe Gallo

Until we meet again…

LOVE Abounds.

Je t’aime

Caryn xoxo

@carynward on twitter

Last night, I had an interesting conversation with one of my close girlfriends. She was concerned that the guy she was dating was beginning to lose interest in her.  For the purpose of this blog, we’ll call my friend “Roberta”.  As we talked more, it became pretty evident to me why Roberta’s new beau might be losing some steam.

Now, it’s important to clarify the difference between a man’s wandering eye and what can be the natural process of familiarity that happens in every relationship. When you become more comfortable, or familiar with each other, a general ease may settle into the relationship.  The initial “high”of needing to see each other ALL the time may wear off.

In a healthy relationship, this is a very good thing. Congratulations! You’ve graduated and your relationship is progressing. Now it is the time to be confident and know your worth.  And unless there are real signs to the contrary, TRUST that he is still interested and that it is all good.

But often times when things get too “comfortable” in a relationship, fear may start to settle in.  Ladies, you know what I am talking about.  We fear his attention is waning and go into desperation mode.  You are not alone. We’ve all been there at one time or another. After reflecting on Roberta’s situation, I believe she is suffering from what I call icky desperation syndrome (or IDS).  How can you tell the difference? I thought you’d never ask!

Do you find yourself doing the following?

• Constantly checking your cell phone to see if he’s called?
• Sending him text messages several times a day to say ‘hi’?
• Dropping your plans on a dime to see him whenever he calls, no matter the time of day or what you have going?

If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, you too may be suffering from IDS. But have no fear, my tips below may prove quite helpful in restoring you back to the powerful Goddess that you are!

3 Tips for Keeping Him Wanting More:

1. Keep The Mystery. Men don’t need to know everything. Trust me, they don’t.  Sometimes we reveal too much, too soon. An amazing chemistry or connection with your guy, is not a free license to tell him about all of your problems. The key is to gradually reveal more and more about yourself; your dreams, your passions, your fears.  Would  you like to see the end of the movie five minutes after walking into the theater?  I didn’t think so. Your guy doesn’t either.

On the flip side, you don’t want to be too elusive.  It is pretty obvious when you are trying too hard to be “mysterious”.   If you find yourself saying ,”I’m different,” then you aren’t! You are un-unrepeatable. There’s no other person like you.  If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll spot your uniqueness a mile away. You won’t need to broadcast it.

2. Tease him with your mind. Teasing him means giving him just a taste of what he can have being with you (provided he’s up to your standards and plays his cards right, of course). As a general rule of thumb, men like to be teased with their basic primal needs: food, sex, and mental stimulation (order of importance may vary). A hard fact to accept, I know. But the sooner you can, the better off you’ll be. And no, this doesn’t necessarily mean you are having sex, or cooking for him all the time. It means you are tantalizing. It means you are like the preview to the movie he’s  always wanted to see.  (Hey, I am an actress. I think in terms of movies).

I  still tease my husband.  It keeps our relationship fresh. Exciting.  For example, we all know it’s football season. And if your guy is anything like mine, he LOVES him some football!  One Sunday afternoon as he was howling at the TV screen, I put on a sexy pair of New England Patriots panties, a little risqué top, and some sweet Jasmine perfume ( sorry Jets fans).  If  you could have seen the look on his face when he saw me walking around the house in support of his favorite team.  Forget Fantasy Football.  I’m the fantasy right here! LOL.  In short, find ways to “taunt” your man–it can be  loads of fun!

Now, once you have been dating and/or seeing each other exclusively for a while, you want to tone down the mystery. But just a little bit.  Remember, gradual is the key. At this stage in your relationship, he wants to know more about what makes you tick.  Can you blame him? Don’t suddenly become someone else. Turn it up another notch; both in revealing more about yourself  and in doing more of what you did to get him there. For me, feeding my husband spiritually was the way.  I gave him books, we started meditating together. Spirituality has always been the foundation of our relationship.  As you progress in your relationship, you’ll discover the ways your man needs to be “fed” and vice versa.

3. “Give him peace of mind.” Hold on, hold on! I can hear some of you cursing me out now!  Brace yourself for what I have to say: A man will always stay with a woman who gives him “peace of mind.”  Did I just say that?  Of course there are no guarantees in ANY relationship, but I am being dramatic to make a point.   Now ladies, I am talking about a MAN here, not a kid in a grown up’s body. If he’s ready to be in a committed relationship,  then I can assure you he wants some peace.   “Peace “can come in many forms:  someone to laugh with, a breath of fresh air, a confidant, a rock.  Only you can determine what that is for you and your relationship. But if you want to make things  work,  I believe it is well worth your while to discover what your brand of peace is.

If your guy is in the stage of wanting to “explore his options’” you still have choices.  5 Signs to Tell The Difference? I’ll write more about that in another blog

Oh, before I let you go. Here’s a link in case you wanna pick up a pair of those sexy NFL panties  

Until we meet again…

LOVE abounds!

Je t’aime
Caryn xoxox

@carynward on twitter

Welcome to my first blog lipstickandpumps.com  Yes, folks, you read that correctly. Lipstick & Pumps! There is a madness to my method (or is it the other way around?).  Anyway, I am excited to share some of my personal tips on relationships, dating, love, sex, marriage, and everything in between! And I do mean everything!  And while this blog is heavily geared toward the estrogen-bound, I think my male counterparts will get something out of this for sure!  If nothing else, they’ll get a glimpse into the inner workings of a woman’s mind.  Hmmm. Proceed With Caution.

These writings are my personal opinions and reflect my thoughts, ideas, and experiences ONLY.   Side effects may include sudden bursts of laughter, twitching, uncontrollable smiling, teeth grinding, and extreme frustration over my rampant typos and grammatical errors.  Did I mention I am a terrible spellir?  Sorry Dad and Howard University.

Nonetheless, The information included on this site is for entertainment purposes only. It is not intended nor implied to be a substitute for professional medical advice.  No that we have that out of the way…

WHY lipstickandpumps.com?  I am glad you asked.

I was inspired to start this blog shortly after writing an article for Pop Culture Madness on my Top Relationship Do’s and Don’t

in connection with my latest film “He’s Mine Not Yours”  being released on December 6, 2011.

The romantic comedy stars my girl Gabrielle Dennis (Janay from The Game), Jason Weaver (Drumline), Carl Payne (Martin), Wendy Raquel Robinson (The Game), and yours truly, Caryn Ward Ross ( Erica from The Game).  Do you see a pattern here?   Ok. You caught me. I’m an actress/producer/human for those of you who are new to my blog.   The film is pretty darn funny if I say so myself.

In hair and make-up for MANDY on the set of HMNY. Annette Chaison celebrity make-up artist

I portray MANDY, an undercover seductress who is “hired” to tempt men. I know. A dirty job. But somebody has to do it, right?   The story centers around having trust in your relationships.  Sometimes, when the grass looks greener on the other side it means you need to WATER YOUR OWN GRASS!  Sorry. I’m yelling (indoor voices, please Caryn).

After completing the movie (and writing the aforementioned relationship Do’s and Don’ts) I started to do some soul-searching around the deeper meaning of  love, relationships…..and my life as a whole. I promise not to get too deep. At least not yet. Anyway, combining my two favorite things—lipstick and pumps….

Caryn getting into character as MANDY on the set of He's Mine Not Yours

….coupled with my unrelenting quest for life’s provocations–lipstickandpumps.com was born!   My sister, Nisa, fellow Facebook friend E.a. Stansbury, along with a host of other twitter followers ( you know who you are) insisted I started writing this thing. If you hate it, blame them! But if you care to listen, I’ll share some of my pearly gems between the sweet pages of this blog. I don’t profess to be an expert, by any stretch.  Just a freckled-face girl with a big ole’ heart!

Gabrielle & Caryn Pose in front of HMNY Poster- World Premiere. Nashville, TN 2011

Well my friends, I won’t keep you long since we are just getting to know each other.  Dating Tip #1: Ladies, always keep him wanting more (smile).  More on that in my next blog!

Before you go, please order your copy of He’s Mine Not Yours online HERE.  BTW, it makes a GREAT stocking stuffer!   And check back soon to find out how to win a signed autograph copy DVD.  As always, I appreciate your support!!

Last but not least, leave a comment below and sign up for my updates.  I’d love to hear from ya!  Oh, and if you haven’t already checked out my Relationship Do’s and Don’ts, do so now. You’ll thank me later.

More blogs, more photos, & more madness sprinkled with a dose of inspiration to come soon!

Until we meet again–

LOVE Abounds.

Je t’aime,

Caryn xoxoxo

@carynward on twitter