I promised that I would be honest with you. If you are new to Lipstickanpumps.com before you proceed, please read about me here. I want you to be certain of my intentions and of what you are getting yourself into.
Last night, I had an interesting conversation with one of my close girlfriends. She was concerned that the guy she was dating was beginning to lose interest in her. For the purpose of this blog, we’ll call my friend “Roberta”. As we talked more, it became pretty evident to me why Roberta’s new beau might be losing some steam.
Now, it’s important to clarify the difference between a man’s wandering eye and what can be the natural process of familiarity that happens in every relationship. When you become more comfortable, or familiar with each other, a general ease may settle into the relationship. The initial “high”of needing to see each other ALL the time may wear off.
In a healthy relationship, this is a very good thing. Congratulations! You’ve graduated and your relationship is progressing. Now it is the time to be confident and know your worth. And unless there are real signs to the contrary, TRUST that he is still interested and that it is all good.
But often times when things get too “comfortable” in a relationship, fear may start to settle in. Ladies, you know what I am talking about. We fear his attention is waning and go into desperation mode. You are not alone. We’ve all been there at one time or another. After reflecting on Roberta’s situation, I believe she is suffering from what I call icky desperation syndrome (or IDS). How can you tell the difference? I thought you’d never ask!
Do you find yourself doing the following?
- Constantly checking your cell phone to see if he’s called?
- Sending him text messages several times a day to say ‘hi’?
- Dropping your plans on a dime to see him whenever he calls, no matter the time of day or what you have going?
If you answered ‘yes’ to any of the above, you too may be suffering from IDS. But have no fear, my tips below may prove quite helpful in restoring you back to the powerful Goddess that you are!
3 Tips for Keeping Him Wanting More:
1. Keep The Mystery. Men don’t need to know everything. Trust me, they don’t. Sometimes we reveal too much, too soon. An amazing chemistry or connection with your guy, is not a free license to tell him about all of your problems. The key is to gradually reveal more and more about yourself; your dreams, your passions, your fears. Would you like to see the end of the movie five minutes after walking into the theater? I didn’t think so. Your guy doesn’t either.
On the flip side, you don’t want to be too elusive. It is pretty obvious when you are trying too hard to be “mysterious”. If you find yourself saying ,”I’m different,” then you aren’t! You are un-unrepeatable. There’s no other person like you. If he’s the right guy for you, he’ll spot your uniqueness a mile away. You won’t need to broadcast it.
2. Tease him with your mind. Teasing him means giving him just a taste of what he can have being with you (provided he’s up to your standards and plays his cards right, of course). As a general rule of thumb, men like to be teased with their basic primal needs: food, sex, and mental stimulation (order of importance may vary). A hard fact to accept, I know. But the sooner you can, the better off you’ll be. And no, this doesn’t necessarily mean you are having sex, or cooking for him all the time. It means you are tantalizing. It means you are like the preview to the movie he’s always wanted to see. (Hey, I am an actress. I think in terms of movies).
I still tease my husband. It keeps our relationship fresh. Exciting. For example, we all know it’s football season. And if your guy is anything like mine, he LOVES him some football! One Sunday afternoon as he was howling at the TV screen, I put on a sexy pair of New England Patriots panties, a little risqué top, and some sweet Jasmine perfume ( sorry Jets fans). If you could have seen the look on his face when he saw me walking around the house in support of his favorite team. Forget Fantasy Football. I’m the fantasy right here! LOL. In short, find ways to “taunt” your man–it can be loads of fun!
Now, once you have been dating and/or seeing each other exclusively for a while, you want to tone down the mystery. But just a little bit. Remember, gradual is the key. At this stage in your relationship, he wants to know more about what makes you tick. Can you blame him? Don’t suddenly become someone else. Turn it up another notch; both in revealing more about yourself and in doing more of what you did to get him there. For me, feeding my husband spiritually was the way. I gave him books, we started meditating together. Spirituality has always been the foundation of our relationship. As you progress in your relationship, you’ll discover the ways your man needs to be “fed” and vice versa.
3. “Give him peace of mind.” Hold on, hold on! I can hear some of you cursing me out now! Brace yourself for what I have to say: A man will always stay with a woman who gives him “peace of mind.” Did I just say that? Of course there are no guarantees in ANY relationship, but I am being dramatic to make a point. Now ladies, I am talking about a MAN here, not a kid in a grown up’s body. If he’s ready to be in a committed relationship, then I can assure you he wants some peace. “Peace “can come in many forms: someone to laugh with, a breath of fresh air, a confidant, a rock. Only you can determine what that is for you and your relationship. But if you want to make things work, I believe it is well worth your while to discover what your brand of peace is.
If your guy is in the stage of wanting to “explore his options’” you still have choices. 5 Signs to Tell The Difference? I’ll write more about that in another blog
Oh, before I let you go. Here’s a link in case you wanna pick up a pair of those sexy NFL panties
Until we meet again…
@carynward on twitter